Performance Art Love of Life Never See Each Other Again
This twelvemonth, I let go.
I had to prepare myself both emotionally and mentally before I joined Pawssion Projection. Although I've ever been aware of how bad animal welfare gets in our state, I wasn't strong enough to face up it. Merely this pandemic has really pushed me to reevaluate my life and to choose the things that truly thing to me — my dreams and goals; my passion and purpose. I didn't want to waste more time for God only knows how much I take left, and then I mustered all the backbone I had and volunteered fifty-fifty when I knew it would have a lot of toll on me.
Every unmarried day since I volunteered, I hear stories of hope. Stories that are sometimes brought by wins, other times by losses and pain. Nosotros normally talk about the rescues and plan how we can encourage more than people to see what we meet, to adopt, to donate, to treat stray animals with love and to care in general. Merely some days are too much. I e'er wondered how rescuers do it even on days they run low until I encountered the rescues myself. All I tin say is it'south considering they are worth all the heartache.
We also have dogs. Some of them were rescued past my mama from the streets, but they take never experienced cruelty the way some of these animals take. It pains me to fifty-fifty imagine it.
I accept never known a heart so pure until I met these beautiful souls. I have never felt more promise in life until I looked into their optics and saw it myself. I accept never witnessed the kind of forgiveness they offer from my own kind. It's so beautiful and painful at the aforementioned time. They don't care how much love they get in return, all they desire is to fulfill their purpose, and it'southward to requite love — the kind that rescues and heals, the kind that never runs out. They be for it.
I hope in that location comes a time when nosotros all realize that the solution is beingness kind to all kinds. I hope we all learn to meet dazzler beyond breed. I hope those who question people who help animals and say humans are more of import realize that both worlds can co-exist. I hope nosotros all learn to live and to love like them — all heart, all soul.
For those who want to assistance, there are so many ways to do it. Y'all tin educate, foster, prefer, donate, sponsor, volunteer.
Pan and I accept been together for nigh eleven years. Growing individually without outgrowing each other was not piece of cake given our differences, but by God'southward grace we manage to practice so. I think our respect for each other's individuality is one of the pillars that keeps us together. Even when sometimes it feels like we're married already, the fact is we are nonetheless not. We never pretended to exist. There are still boundaries that we will only cantankerous when we get to that betoken (e.thou. calling each other hubby or wifey haha). We don't have a list of these boundaries. We just know that nosotros each have a life to alive and responsibilities to ourselves and to our families that we must fulfill offset separately. Nosotros don't want to rob each other off the chance to be someone better not just for ourselves, but for other important people in our lives too. And I dearest that and so much about our relationship. I love that what we went through in our individual lives taught united states of america lessons that molded us and fabricated u.s.a. stronger together. I beloved that nosotros can yet both be somebody and exist of service to our loved ones. In that location were times I doubted and became impatient, just he ever fabricated me realize that nosotros could be so much more if nosotros trusted the process and waited for the right time. He'due south right.
I asked Pan if there was ever a time I overdid it, if there was always a fourth dimension I tried to act similar his wife. I was and so relieved when he calmly said there wasn't. Perchance to culturally wired people this isn't a good thing. Some say yous won't be a good homemaker if y'all are not wife cloth. One of the few things Pan and I accept in common is nosotros learned not to care about the standards of this society that do more harm than proficient. We create our own. Knowing that we both didn't strength or overdo anything; that we didn't accept to accept these specific "wife" or "husband" qualities for us to be certain of each other gives me a sense of peace. It just means we let each other to grow at our own step. We allow each other to just exist. And so I volition but exist his wife when I officially get his married woman and he will only exist my married man when he officially becomes my husband. And in the process of condign those people, we are both merely being as nosotros are, wherever we are.
I approximate what I'chiliad trying to say, particularly to those who can relate, is there is a process. Don't overstep, don't overdo and don't exist desperate. Grow separately, then together. Savour your hard earned money. Value your freedom. When you blitz things, you rob yourself and your partner off the chance to become someone greater. You may not feel the event right away, but it could project onto other things in the futurity until one (or both) of you realizes that your hurrying has taken a great toll on you. Just exist as you are, wherever you are, so when you lot finally get to that betoken, you will exist able to say with a peaceful heart that you got at that place without losing yourself. You lot got in that location whole.
Anyway, I was just thinking virtually how my name will become shorter when I officially become his missus. I'm non going to run out of boxes anymore!
"Humility is perfect quietness of heart. It is to expect nothing, to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel naught washed against me. Information technology is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed or despised. It is to take a blest home in the Lord, where I can go in and close the door, and kneel to my Father in secret, and am at peace equally in a deep sea of calmness, when all around and higher up is problem."
— Andrew Murray
It was just an ordinary day. I wanted to spend time with myself so I decided to dine at my favorite bistro. It was a smooth bulldoze on the fashion. I listened to my new favorite songs. Although information technology poured a little, the rain stopped when I was already nearby. I took it every bit a expert sign.
It was merely a little past noon and I had the place all to myself. Afterward asking the waitress tons of questions nigh their food — which she patiently answered, I finally ordered and chose something I never tried before. I was a flake broken-hearted if I fabricated the right pick, but I gladly looked forward to it. I told Pan how happy and excited I was to swallow there once more while I waited.
My food arrived and I ate it every bit slowly as I could. I actually tried my best to relax and to be present in that moment. I reminded myself it was my hour, that I had nil else to think about, and that I could rest from all my worries and just focus on the goodness that was in front of me. And and then I started to really pay attention. The music was then nice, the food was delicious, the place was peaceful and the weather was beautiful. It felt like a Sunday morn. I was at home with myself.
"You lot're okay, yous're animate," I whispered. And in that moment, I sincerely felt deep down in my soul that all was well. I experienced this quietness in my heart — something that I only become to feel when I'one thousand far abroad from the urban center. I was humbled and overwhelmed with gratitude. "Thank you, Jesus," my heart kept saying. I put aside all my worries and recognized that single moment with solemnity. Although I know God is ever with me, in that 60 minutes, I was with Him likewise.
It was the first time in a long time that I really felt grounded and continued with everything. I told myself I would write nearly this and so I would take something to think this solar day by. Perhaps recognizing moments like this could as well be my ordinary.
All my love,
Kay
I know you've been through so much in life and your days are by and large spent on fighting your inner battles. Maybe you've go accustomed to pain and hardship, and feeling anxious, tired, disappointed, insecure, frustrated and alone has go normal to yous. Your traumas have convinced yous to easily think so little of yourself to the betoken that every time something expert happens, you lot find yourself questioning your worth and finish up cocky-sabotaging— thinking you don't deserve it.
Peradventure you need to be reminded that these aren't the only things your eye is allowed to experience; that i t'southward okay to be okay as much as it is not to be. Information technology's okay to find joy in the little proficient things during a bad 24-hour interval, to receive a blessing despite falling short of being human, to protect yourself from anything that takes abroad your peace and to rest when you are tired.
Perhaps you accept forgotten that it's okay to heal. I know the procedure is scary for healing comes with growth, changes, hard decisions and sometimes fifty-fifty more pain. It may require you to let get of things and people you've learned to honey merely are no longer good for your soul. Even if these frighten you, testify upwardly and allow yourself to heal at a footstep that you can handle. Get out that night pigsty every once in a while until y'all remember that it isn't your true home. It's the but mode to remind your eye of all the other cute things information technology deserves to experience.
I can't promise you lot that life will exist easy, merely I tin can assure you that each time you cull to love and to fight for yourself a lilliputian harder, you get stronger and wiser after every storm. But start, yous need to accept courage — even just a trivial for information technology will go a long way. You lot need to have faith — fifty-fifty if it's as small-scale every bit a mustard seed for it will still move mountains. And most of all, you lot need to believe that you lot are worth information technology —because darling, you are worth it.
Honey,
Your Time to come Self
Ten years and one hundred days afterward, y'all're still here. I can't call up a fourth dimension I did not feel broken and a fourth dimension that you loved me any less considering of it. You stayed with me through all of my seasons, walked with me through all of my phases and accustomed all kinds of dear I had to offer. Information technology wasn't e'er the kind that you deserved, but you lot never in one case complained and tried to square up with me. You've always loved me better and you've ever given me so much more than.
Fifty-fifty when my cup is empty, you lot don't effort to fill it up. Y'all just patiently wait until I am filled and able to pour once more. And information technology'southward i of the countless beautiful things I love about y'all. You permit me to heal and to grow at my ain footstep. Although you lot spoil me with dear, when things get tough, y'all don't retrieve of me equally a damsel in distress who needs saving. You're just always there, reminding me of my strength, encouraging me to keep going and making sure I know that if I ever get tired, I tin rest in your arms for equally long as I need until I am strong plenty to go back upward again.
Whenever nosotros have these little life talks and I ask you lot what you think your purpose in life is, you lot e'er tell me information technology'south to make me happy. I always ask you this and y'all always give me the aforementioned reply. Y'all don't realize how many times you've fulfilled that purpose, do yous? You practise it every single twenty-four hours, my love. I wouldn't listen you finding another purpose — one that is nigh you. And when you do, know that I will support you with my whole middle.
I've always wondered what I did to deserve this kind of love until I realized that God's dearest has always been about grace. He blest me with someone who would love me across my imperfections and whose heart I could call my abode even on days I am unworthy.
Cheers for ten wonderful years, my love. Give thanks you for every single matter that you do. Thank y'all for choosing me everyday. I know it hasn't been ever easy with me, but y'all never let become of my hand.
Yous take my heart.
All my beloved,
Tin
Ane of the hardest battles I've ever had to face up during my mid twenties was following my dream. While to some people it isn't a trouble, information technology is to an just child and a breadwinner who doesn't come from much like me. Just I'm no longer writing well-nigh this with a heavy heart. Over the years, I've learned to accept that not everyone is privileged plenty to follow their dreams and plow their passion into a full-time job. I'm non saying it's non possible though. It's simply that it's not every person'southward reality. And it wasn't like shooting fish in a barrel realizing that I'm i of those people. It took me a lot of courage to facemytruth: I needed to permit go.
What was the dream? I wanted to be a total-time photographer. I wanted to run my own studio, get my ain clients and be known for my fine art. I've fought for this dream e'er since I was xx-two. I won't bore you with my life story, but just to requite yous an idea, my male parent passed away the same yr I realized what my dream was and I had to take over his role in the family. Empathise that I had no inheritance and we spent what was left of our savings to pay for bills, debts and whatnots. The backwash of his passing was a different story. To simply put information technology, we had a difficult life. My salary at that time was just enough for our family to get going and to fix our financial issues. There was no room for anything else.
What did I do? I still pursued information technology. I made fourth dimension for my passion. I started joining workshops, so getting myself freelance gigs. I applied every bit an apprentice, learned my way into the industry. Sooner or afterwards I was getting my own bookings. Only there were challenges. I had to work on my cocky-confidence amongst other things. I ever hesitated sharing my work because I was agape I wouldn't get any back up. Information technology was partly true. My merely constant supporters were my female parent, Pan and Tatay from heaven. Information technology felt similar people weren't taking this side of me seriously. But despite the challenges, I was still learning and my skills were improving. Earlier I knew it, I was able to purchase myself my own full frame camera and lenses. These were the things I just used to dream of having. Isn't God amazing? I remained hopeful. Then I started seeking advice from mentors. The advice?
Take the risk. Jump. It's the only way.
The take a chance these people talked about, to be more specific, was "quit your twenty-four hour period job and go full-time". It worked for them, why wouldn't it work for me? Then I fabricated myself a contingency programme. I said I would salvage plenty money so in a few years I could resign from my corporate chore and focus on pursuing my dream chore. While I couldn't resign yet, I would have freelance gigs, go along getting myself my own clients and build my portfolio. It was a unproblematic, possible plan. Only life doesn't conform for you. Life happens the way it's supposed to happen. Bug kept arising. I couldn't save. I was earning actress money from my freelance gigs and sometimes from my own bookings, merely they went to my unforeseen expenses. No matter how hopeful I tried to be, at the end of the day, I would always go back to my reality. I would always realize why I couldn't accept the same risk they took and it was because our lives and priorities were different.
I kept trying and kept declining. My bookings weren't enough. I wasn't known enough. I wasn't supported enough. I wasn't confident enough. It was so frustrating but I kept going because I didn't want to allow go of my dream. I didn't want to finish trying. Subsequently a few years of the same set up, I transferred to another visitor for a bigger salary, but my schedule wasn't equally flexible. I got more inquiries and bookings too, but I had no time to balance. I was wearied and every matter I did felt like a chore. My trunk and listen gave up on me. I had to prioritize my health. Otherwise, I would take gone crazy. My new chore also required more endeavor than the previous one. So information technology was fourth dimension for me to choose and be honest with myself:
Twenty-four hours job or dream job?
I chose the former. Choosing my dream job meant risking my family's well-being. I didn't want my family to go through that kind of crisis again. Only I did not totally quit; I rested. Long enough to re-evaluate my priorities, my dreams and what I truly want in life. Long enough to realize that I no longer desire information technology every bit much as I used to anymore. Taking photographs brings me happiness. Information technology'south still my passion. But my family is my tiptop-most priority. They are my non-negotiable. If the hazard I demand to have volition put them in a tight spot, then I would notice another take a chance. One that is simply right for me.
You only live once. Be your own boss. Have the risk. Jump, don't be a coward! These were all I could get every time I asked for an communication. Only the truth not every successful girl/guy dominate talks about is their success story is not the aforementioned as your success story. As much as I wanted to be positive, in that location came a bespeak where hearing these advices became toxic to me. I felt more frustrated than inspired.
Fast forward to at present: God blessed me with a career that pays enough for me to provide for my family and for myself. I transferred to a different company with a healthier environment and got a new role, which I learned I'm excited to explore further. The schedule is also more flexible, so I can even so brand time for my passion. I got an offer from Sweet Escape, and now I am 1 of their Manila photographers. I said I needed to let go, and I did. I needed to permit go of obsessing over living the dream and becoming successful similar other people.And you know what? I'yard happy with my own little success story. Information technology's only because I changed my perspective and accepted my reality.
Pursuing your passion is keen. If y'all have the ways to go for it, then salubrious. But if you have responsibilitiedue south (e.g. yous're a breadwinner, a parent, etc) and know that your decisions, good or bad, will also touch on people who are important to you, and then merely take calculated risks. At that place is no shame in that.
Staying in a job that helps you put food on the table doesn't make yous less brave than those who took the risk to pursue their passion. It makes you responsible, wise and unselfish.
I'm ending this entry with my favorite hope from God:
Jeremiah 29:xi-13
11For I know the plans I take for you," declares theLord, "plans to prosper y'all and non to harm you, plans to requite you hope and a futurity. 12So y'all will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you lot. 13You will seek me and find me when y'all seek me with all your heart.
Keep going. There is a season for everything. Your flavor will come as long as you lot keep the faith and keep trying.
All my honey,
Kay
The matter I love most keeping a web log is I can e'er go back to it — whether equally a author or every bit reader — and I still larn a thing or two from my past.
I've been looking for a decent outlet for my personal take on things. I have a lot to say. Although I keep a journal, there are things I want to share hoping that it could help other people who are dealing with the same struggles that I've been through in life. Twitter, Instagram and Facebook are too crowded and equally much as I want to share my thoughts using these platforms, it's hard considering some people are simply too quick to assume and react mindlessly. There are all the same those who read without intending to understand, and I'm sick of them. Then I remembered I had this. And I remembered I made this a safe space.
The past two years have been a roller coaster ride (but when is information technology not, really?). Two years is a long time. So much has stayed the same: I'thousand yet a piece of work in progress, still an IT Consultant, still a part time photographer, yet working on my spiritual life, withal dealing with anxiety, still with the person I barbarous in love with ten years ago, all the same in love with him, even so obsessed with dogs, even so allergic to interacting with humans, nevertheless saved by grace every unmarried day.And so much has changed:I finally learned to love what I'g doing, I took a big adventure and transferred to a less stable company that offers a healthier surroundings and greater opportunities for growth, I became a Sweet Escape photographer, I worked on my anti-socialism and have turned into an introverted extrovert, I listened to my body start and I now understand why we should never rush when it comes to getting our dreams.
Every unmarried matter I have been learning for the past two years is a process. I can't expect to write about it. Maybe in the side by side two years. :p
All my dearest,
Kay
It'due south been a long while! A lot has inverse since the last time I posted here. I had to deal with some things I didn't want to talk about on whatsoever of my social media accounts. It wasn't all bad. 2017 was actually a not bad year for me. I'chiliad sharing the good stuff!
I GOT BAPTIZED.I was raised catholic, so I already got baptized before, but I wasn't the one who fabricated that decision. I've only been able to build an intimate human relationship with Jesus during the past few years. The trials have brought me closer to Him and I am continuously trying to abound more each day spiritually. Beingness able to surrender everything to Him and really being enlightened of it was the most magical affair I have e'er experienced. It was cute. Information technology volition always be my favorite day.
I LANDED A NEW JOB.My goal is very articulate and it's to get a full-time photographer. But it isn't my fourth dimension yet. I still accept to wait, learn, grow, pray and sacrifice some more. Moving into a new company was a tough decision for me. My former company was my comfort zone. I didn't have whatever problems with the schedule. I wasn't that stressed. But while I was there, I was missing out so much. I wasn't growing anymore. I was not motivated to step-upwardly and was very anti-social because I had more time to focus on my frustrations and insecurities. Then I realized my responsibilities in my personal life have gotten bigger; that I could exist a better provider than I was, and so I decided to try and find a new job. My expectations weren't large. I merely needed a new chore with a bigger salary. Only God gave me something better. My new visitor isn't as chill every bit my former one, simply information technology challenges me and pushes me to grow. I too met more than amazing people who are now helping me beat my anxiety and anti-socialism, which they don't know I take!
"It" Ended.My mom and I have dealt with a serious problem these past few years. With God by our side, it finally concluded. He saved and protected us, and granted us peace. If anything, information technology fabricated our family unit even closer – to each other and to God. I learned what unconditional love truly is and this time, I wasn't on the receiving finish. I was giving it, too. What was taken away from u.s.a. is nada compared to what we gained. This challenge taught me so much virtually fixing my eyes on the real goal. Earth will always be filled with both positive and negative; with both cute and ugly hearts. Sometimes information technology feels similar the evil wins, but this very fact also reminds me that this place isn't my real abode. Sometimes a loss is also a proceeds. The comfort too comes knowing that His truth will ever prevail.
I FORGAVE AND WAS FORGIVEN.I was rebuked and humbled by God. 2017 was a year of reconciliation for me. I forgave myself and others. It freed me from acrimony and unhappiness. I also apologized and was forgiven. I used to be very unforgiving, so imagine my relief when I finally learned how to allow become.
At that place were ups and downs, but it was an amazing yr!
I know this twelvemonth is going to be just equally beautiful. My goal is to grow more in every aspect of my life. Growing comes with everything.
Keep praying and believing. Here's to a braver 2018!
All my love,
Kay
It's been a long while since my last entry. Life has gotten very busy. In that location were changes at work that took so much of my fourth dimension. Just all is well.
I am not going to blab almost how hard things had been because all I feel now is gratitude. What I desire to share is how I've been experiencing God'southward miracles— both big and small-scale— even long before I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior.
I was raised a Roman Catholic, but I never really practiced my organized religion. I did not attend mass regularly, did not read the Bible and even doubted what is written in it. I idea information technology was enough that I believed in God and prayed from time to fourth dimension. I thought it was enough that I was kind to animals and to some people. I used to think I could drive my ain cycle and create my ain fate. I grew up with a potent personality. I was non afraid to speak for myself and for others. Sure, there is something skilful about being brave and outspoken. I knew I helped some people who couldn't find their words while experiencing oppression through standing upwardly and speaking for them, but what it did to me was wrong. I became prideful and devil-may-care with my words to the point that I was causing other people hurting. The only of import thing for me was to be always heard. I was an independent spirit and was proud of beingness one until God said enough.
I have been a work in progress always since. It felt similar I lost everything— friends, my male parent, my family unit and some of the material things I thought were important — only the truth is, I gained and then much than I deserve. I went through depression. Information technology was the darkest days of my life. I prayed just all I heard was silence. I became unappreciative of life. And because I was so hurt, I injure other people, also. The turning indicate of my life was when my father passed away. Information technology felt similar I was conveying the earth on my shoulders. I wasn't ready for being the responsible i, but in just a snap, everything changed. I had to brand big sacrifices. I had to carry our family and its problems that I didn't know existed. All I could call back of was "I was non trained for this. I was not made for this.". I was surprised to detect out that I had a broken family unit and that nosotros were broke, too.
Who shall dissever the states from the honey of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
Romans 8:35
I was a very unforgiving person. It was like shooting fish in a barrel for me to close people out of my life. But this time, information technology was my own female parent I had to forgive. I depended on her my whole life and she allow me downwardly. I was so disappointed, angry and injure. Of course, I couldn't shut her out; she is my mother. Every bit much every bit I wanted to exist selfish and leave to live somewhere else, I couldn't do information technology. My simply choice was to suffer the pain. It was and then difficult I thought of ending my own life endless times. Even if I had my few trusted friends' and my beau's support, I nevertheless felt so lost and alone. I kept questioning God and I fifty-fifty got really angry at Him. Just at the end of the day, even when I was mad, it was still Him I talked and ran to. I turned to Him and started to give up everything. I started to read a few Bible verses a day and they spoke to me. I knew it was God'south style of telling me that He'southward always been there, listening and waiting on me. I let go of my wheel. I surrendered. It wasn't piece of cake and it definitely didn't happen overnight, but it's been an amazing feel. It turns out even if I ran away from Him, He still pursued me. He was disciplining me because He loves me, and He continues to do so.
My son, do not despise the Lord'south subject area,
and do non resent his rebuke,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
as a father the son he delights in.Proverbs 3:xi-12
My life started to transform and I started to look at things differently. I learned how to worship God. Through the help of my high school friend, Misty, who has besides been transformed past God'due south love, I finally learned who Jesus truly is. I accepted Him as my Savior. This whole time, He was saving me from myself. I may have lost some people and things along the way, but I gained something that I wouldn't trade for annihilation in this world— my relationship with Jesus.In skilful religion, the solutions to my issues came. My human relationship with my mother has never been better. And well-nigh importantly, she came to know Jesus, too, and her heart started to change.
I know life will not cease being challenging and difficult, that it will never exist storm-free, that my faith will continuously exist tested and that in that location volition always be temptation around me. If I were nonetheless the same person, my take would be "game on, life! I can conquer anything because I am potent!" and when things don't get my way, I would cocky-destruct. But now, with the Lord on my side, I know that every stride of my way volition be guided. I will survive every storm because He is faithful to those who are true-blue to Him.
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparison with the celebrity that volition be revealed in us.
Romans 8:18
A love friend of mine once asked me if I still look for evidence that proves He is existent. I am not actually good with explaining, simply I estimate there aren't skillful enough words to explain how He moves in my life. I started to recall every phenomenon – fifty-fifty those I didn't notice because I was likewise decorated demanding from Him.
I know many people still question God. I used to question Him, too. I used to be one of those who ask "if God is real, why practice people suffer? Why is life so hard? Why is in that location violence and war? Why do bad people win at life?".
Through the aid of the Scriptures, I learned that the world is non meant to be peaceful and that it is non our existent home. Information technology is not reason for me to stop trying to make it amend in my ain little means, but a reminder to not fall in love nor in anger for whatever is in here won't concluding for eternity.
Exercise not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, dear for the Father is not in them.
For everything in the globe—the lust of the flesh, the animalism of the optics, and the pride of life—comes non from the Father but from the world.
The earth and its desires laissez passer away, simply whoever does the will of God lives forever.1 John ii:15-17
I have never felt this happy and content in life. I know I am far from perfect, but I am created this fashion. I have besides experienced being chosen a hypocrite because plain I am not perfect enough to share Bible verses. I was tempted to reply back, but I was reminded that I only have the Lord to delight.
I tin never explain plenty how my life transformed. I pray that whoever is reading this volition also allow themselves to experience the love of Jesus.
Source: https://dreamwithkay.wordpress.com/